In the previous section, you learnt about the “naming the thought” psychological method that can be used to weaken negative thoughts, and later you will learn about other good ones. On this webpage, I will explain how to use the psychological methods in practice.
Drawing on psychology and my own experimentation, I have created a system to help one use psychological methods effectively. I find it a powerful way to deal with negative thoughts and use it often, and I am very happy to share it with you. The system, which has three steps, I call: “stop-weaken-ignore”. Right now, of course, the three words will mean little to you. Do not worry, I will explain them clearly.
The stop-weaken-ignore system is to be started when one recognises a negative thought running through one’s mind. To use as an example, let us imagine that one detects, in one’s mind, the negative thought that one’s best friend is “all bad”, just because she forgot to reply to a text message one sent her. (Black and White negative thought).
Step 1: Stop the thought briefly
In one’s mind, thoughts are constantly “moving” around. This would include the black-and-white negative thought one detected in one’s mind.
When one notices a negative thought in one’s mind, to deal with it effectively, one first needs to stop it from “moving,” making it stationary.
Holding the thought still helps one to engage with it. It’s a bit like when a child is running wildly around a room; to talk to the child meaningfully, one needs the child to stop running and become still. In the case of a child, one may shout her name, for example, “Shelly!”, and this would, at least briefly, cause her to pause her running around. Once one gets her attention, one may be able to engage with her: “Shelly, it’s time for dinner!”
So, how can one make a thought that is speeding along in one’s mind come to a standstill? The answer is to use one’s inner voice. As soon as one senses a negative thought occurring in one’s mind, one can use one’s internal voice to say as firmly as possible, “Stop!” What this does is to temporarily “freeze” the thought, so that one’s mind can engage with it.
It is essential to appreciate that using one’s inner voice to say “Stop” does not permanently stop negative thoughts. If it did, life would be great, since simply saying “Stop” a few times would clear our minds very quickly. Unfortunately, it is well known in psychology that merely saying “Stop” does not permanently stop thoughts. The stop-weaken-ignore system, therefore, uses the word ‘stop’ only to briefly pause the thought, just enough for one to engage with it.
In our example, as soon as one senses that one is having the black and white thought that one’s friend is all bad, one says to oneself, “STOP”. One will notice that this inner voice command briefly holds the negative thought in place while one moves onto the second step, “Weaken”.
Step 2: Weaken the thought
Now that the negative thought has been made stationary by saying “Stop”, we can proceed to the next step, which is “Weaken”.
In this step, one can use a psychological method, such as “naming the thought”, to weaken the negative thought. Continuing with our example, one can say, in one’s inner voice, “This is a black and white thought.” When one names a negative thought, it brings the thought into one’s awareness, which tends to weaken it. While naming is one effective method, there are others one can use, which will be explained in later pages.
Now that the thought is weakened, it’s time to move on to the final step, which is “Ignore”.
Step 3: Ignore the thought
We are now in the third and final step: “Ignore”.
So far, one has briefly stopped the negative thought using the word “stop” and then weakened it by naming it. Now, in this final step, one would want the thought to “go away”.
However, a fundamental concept in psychology is that pushing away or suppressing thoughts does not eliminate them. Just asking a thought to go away can even make it worse, as it will reappear with even greater strength. I can demonstrate this concept right now with a simple psychological experiment on you.
Here is the experiment:
“Please do not imagine a cat drinking milk.”
Well, that was the experiment! I just asked you not to imagine a cat drinking milk. But I bet you imagined a cat, even though I told you to do the exact opposite! This brief psychology experiment illustrates how, when you attempt to suppress a thought, it often resurfaces and becomes more prominent.
Luckily, there is an alternative way to make a thought disappear. One just needs to “ignore” the thought. Ignoring means that, while one is aware that the thought is there, one does not engage with it. Eventually, the weakened thought will fade away on its own. Ignoring is very different to suppressing a thought. By ignoring, one is not pushing the thought away. Instead, one is saying, “I know the thought is there, but I am not going to interact with it”. A thought that one does not engage with will disappear. Imagine that one just ignored a colleague standing next to oneself. know the thought is there, but it does not influence me. A thought that you do not engage with will disappear. Imagine that you just ignored someone near you.
Eventually, the colleague would get bored and leave on their own. Negative thoughts are similar in that when ignored, they tend to go away.
It is, of course, entirely possible for the same negative thoughts to come again. Often, these thought patterns have been there for years and therefore recur for a while. However, with this stop-weaken-ignore system, one can continue with one’s life instead of letting the thoughts affect it.
Another aspect of this system is that each time one uses it, one is “educating” one’s mind. For example, when using the “naming the thought” method, one educates the mind to better recognise such thoughts when they arise.
As I described the stop-weaken-ignoresystem, it may have seemed “lengthy”. That is only because I broke it down into individual steps. While it may take a while to read and understand the steps, in practice, the system takes only moments. And, like everything, with a bit of practice, it will become quicker. Eventually, one will find oneself using it almost automatically.
When explaining the stop-weaken-ignore system, I used the “naming the thought”method to weaken the negative thought. Later, I will share other methods one can use to weaken negative thoughts, and one can use them instead of the “naming the thought” method. Essentially, think of the stop-weaken-ignore system as a three-layer sandwich. The top bread is the Stop part, and the bottom bread is the Ignore part. The middle is the method one chooses to weaken the negative thought.
All this probably sounds very theoretical to you. However, I urge you to try the stop-weaken-ignore system a few times; you will find it easy to use in practice.