On this page, I will explain a type of negative thinking called “all-or-nothing thinking” that many people do. With this way of thinking, you see everything as either being extremely positive or extremely negative, rather than in a more realistic way, between the two extremes.
If you want to find happiness, it’s important to avoid all-or-nothing thinking. Let me explain it to you now.
Most things in the world around you are not “extreme”. There is a good chance that your colleagues at your workplace are probably not “extremely good” or “extremely bad”, but more likely to be somewhere in between.
When you think only in extremes (e.g., my colleagues are extremely bad, I made a mistake so I am completely useless, etc.) rather than seeing things in a more realistic “in-between way, psychologists call this thinking “all or nothing thinking”. The word “all” represents one extreme, and the word “nothing” represents the other.
Psychologists also call this kind of thinking “black and white thinking,” which portrays extremes rather than more realistic, balanced thinking.
All-or-nothing thinking can cause unhappiness, as it can lead you to judge situations incorrectly. The following short example will help you understand how it can cause harm.
Imagine that you have a good friend called Lucy. She has been your faithful friend for many years, sharing your happiness and troubles. Lucy has always gone out of her way to help you whenever you were in need.
Let us now imagine that today is your birthday and that Lucy, perhaps because she was busy, forgot to wish you. In this situation, let’s suppose that your mind does all-or-nothing thinking. Your mind will think, “Lucy is a terrible person who does not care about me. How could she forget my birthday, when she knows I like people to wish me? She is completely useless, etc.” In this scenario, “all-or-nothing thinking” makes you think only in extremes. You ignore all the good that Lucy has done over the years and let this one small error she made make her “all bad”.
In reality, while it was “bad” for Lucy to have forgotten your birthday, it was only one “bad” thing among the many more “good” things she has done for you over the years. So instead of seeing Lucy as “completely bad”, a better way would be to see her as being “mostly good” and only “slightly bad”. As you have seen in this example, all-or-nothing thinking can make you judge people unfairly.
As seen in the example above, all-or-nothing thinking distorts the reality of the situation, which can lead to incorrect judgments. It is, therefore, essential to think in a balanced way, where you put into perspective both the positive and negative aspects of everything, rather than seeing things only in extremes.
